Friday, October 15, 2010

back to normal,what is normal?

I'm sad because my days are getting back to normal .ha normal I don't remember what that is .I have had this adoption on my mind since Feb. and been working on it since March. There is not a day gone by I didn't think of Josiah first thing and all thru the day. Worked hard getting all of our paper work done and now don't even remember some of what we did or how to do it. I would have to look back in the hand book.


I feel like this week my life has somewhat gotten back to normal. I can't put my finger on why I feel this way, I still think about Josiah but maybe not as much. I'm not dwelling over anything, not checking my emails expecting one from our agency every 10 sec.. I guess I just don't expect it any more, maybe I have grown numb to it, maybe that's good maybe that means I have changed. I don't know but it seems so long ago off in the distance that we started all of this. The homestudy and all that all my stress over the uscis and everything else makes me laugh now. Maybe this is like when you give birth you remember it but you don't remember the pain, you can tell the story and after a while you forget things, well that's me anyways. Someone asked me the other day when each of my kids started to walk ummmmm ok let me find the baby books. There are a few years I don't remember much at all. when my first four kids were 5,3,15 mo and new born, I guess I was just so busy. I'm keeping a journal now so I don't forget any of it. Maybe that's what keeps people Adopting more then one child, they don't remember how much work it was or maybe its because the rewards are so great they don't care. like being pregnant and giving birth. Guess if I remembered everything about that I wouldn't have given birth to six kids. ok so that's my rambling for the day. I know that one day I will have Josiah in my arms and will be thinking the same about his adoption because I'm already thinking about the first half we went thru that way. I just don't know how to feel about my life getting back to normal when I don't have Josiah in my arms yet.

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